P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
