I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
