Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
