I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She's the barista slut.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
