dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
