its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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