I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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