I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
