My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
