clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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