He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
