I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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