tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
