I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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