I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
