i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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