it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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