you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
