Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
