ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
