1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
