i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
