just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
