I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
