party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
