i think i have herpe
just one?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
