one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
