Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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