i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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