oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
