If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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