Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
