O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
