i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
