I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
