can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
