we have pet lesbian snakes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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