Im at strip club and am horny
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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