I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
