i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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