they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
