ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
