I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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