He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
