I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
