the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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