My first STD was from a foam party
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
