Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
