Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
