i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
two words: eviction party
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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