threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
