we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
