i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
