If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
