That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
