dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
did i just pee glitter
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