I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
