I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
