You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
