She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Two words: blizzard sex
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
