he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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