I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
