That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
