Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
