i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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