I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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